+ Do's and Don'ts For Concerned Parents
+ Chemically Dependent Adolescent Defined
+ Stages of the Co-Dependent Family
+ Self-Assessment
+ Links for Parents
STAGES IN THE CO-DEPENDENT FAMILY
I. Stage of Denial
A. Initial acceptance of “being high as normal” adolescent
behahior.
B. “Rescue missions”. ( Family bails the adolescent out of
trouble; assumes role of enabler)
C. Increasing family focus on the adolescent and his/her
problems.
D. Sees chemical use as a problem, but not the problem
and seeks advice of psychiatrist, psychologist, minister,
counclor,etc.: who if not specifically trained in
chemical dependency may act as enablers and reinforce
the denial system.
E. Family loses perspective on their own harmful
interaction as the chemically dependent adolescent
becomes the center of attention.
F. May blame the adolescent’s behavior on “those kids
he/she hangs around with.
II. Stage of Bargaining and Attempts at Control
A. Appeals to logic.
B. Imposition of curfews and restrictions.
C. Adolescent forbidden to associate with peers considered
“bad influences.”
D. Bargains, (i.e. “It’s all right to drink, but don’t use
drugs.” “An occasional beer at home is alright, but
stay away from hard liquor.” “If you must drink, don’t
drive or get in a car with someone else who has been
drinking.”)
E. May seek “geographic cures” – i.e. transfer to new
schools, private or parochial, or to alternative program
in an attempt to remove the adolescent from what is
considered an unhealthy environment or peer group.
III. Stage of Anger
A. Increasing tension and unhappiness at home.
B. Family distrustful and resentful.
C. Anger and frustration that the chemically dependent
adolescent cannot be controlled.
D. Alcohol/drugs now the central focus of the family’s
attention.
E. Progressive reconstructuring of roles in the family.
F. Other children exhibit emotional problems.
G. Marital stress, lack of communication and “blaming.”
IV. Stage of Depression
A. Feelings of guilt, self pity, and despair as a parent;
“What did we de wrong or fail to do?”
B. May construct rigid pattern to escape family conflicts.
C. Passive withdrawal and isolation of parents.
D. Fears about the future.
E. Possible stress related illness in other family members;
i.e. headaches, insomnia, gastro-intestinal complaints,
etc.
V. Crisis and Confrontation.
Although concern remains, the family is unable to tolerate the status-quo. Relationships are severed and the adolescent is forced out of the home. Or, the family seeks informed counseling and guidance; crisis is used in a constructive fashion to force the adolescent into assessment, intervention, and/or definitive treatment.
