Do's and Don'ts For Concerned Parents

1.  Do
1. Do talk to the adolescent only after effects on intoxication have worn off
2. Do express your concern, love, and willingness to help
3. Do allow the adolescent to experience the consequences of his/her behavior, even though these consequences may be painful or embarrassing
4. Do use community resources to become knowledgable about alcoholism and chemical dependency
5. Do become involved with Families Anonymous and/or Al-Anon in your community
6. Do seek help from professionals specifically trined in alcoholism and chemical dependency

The Chemically Dependent Adolescent Defined

1. Chemical Dependency Defined
   
   
   1. The chemically dependent adolescent is that individual whose dependence upon mood altering substances has obtained such a degree as to disrupt academic performance, interfere with family and interpersonal relationships, social and economic functioning and impair the state of physical and mental health.
      
      
   2. The concept of chemical dependency as a primary disease implies the following:
      1. The illness can be described
      2. The course of the illness is predictable and progressive
      3. The illness if primary. It is not just a symptom of some other underlying disorder.
      4. It is permanent
      5. If left untreated, it invariably results in premature death
         
         
2. The Extent of the Disease
   
   
   1. In the adult population, alcoholism constitutes this nation’s third health problem.
      
      
   2. The National Institute on the Abuse of Alcohol and Alcoholism estimates that 1.3 million Americans between the ages of 12 and 17 have serious drinking problems. This figure
      does not take into account those using other mood altering drugs, nor does it include
      children under 12 or those adolescents in the 18 – 20 age group.
      
      
   3. Sixty percent of all people killed in drunk-driving accidents are in their teens. Nearly 2,500 teenagers die on the road annually as a result of drunken driving.
      
      
   4. Chemical dependency accounts for more than one-half of all suicides in this country
      annually. Figures do not include deaths due to accident of drug overdose. Suicide rate
      for the chemically dependent person is almost 60 times that for the non-dependent
      individual.
      
      
   5. By the time a young person reaches a problem stage in the in the use of mood altering chemicals, family is a wreck, operating out of fear, anger, disgust or all three. Parents are confused and anxious. They have lost control of the household. The home is a battleground, and the parents are getting the worst of it because they are trying to control the situation on
      the child’s terms.
      
      


In spite of these rather grim statistics, chemical dependency is a treatable disease. Between 50 percent and 75 percent of treated patients can and do recover if the disease is identified early and the patient is referred to appropriate counseling or in-patient treatment.

 

Stages of the Co-Dependent Family

1.  
1. Stage of Denial
   
   
   1. Initial acceptance of “being high as normal” adolescent behahior.
   2. “Rescue missions”. ( Family bails the adolescent out of trouble; assumes role of enabler)
   3. Increasing family focus on the adolescent and his/her problems.
   4. Sees chemical use as a problem, but not the problem and seeks advice of psychiatrist, psychologist, minister, counclor,etc.: who if not specifically trained in chemical dependency may act as enablers and reinforce the denial system.
   5. Family loses perspective on their own harmful interaction as the chemically dependent adolescent becomes the center of attention.
   6. May blame the adolescent’s behavior on “those kids he/she hangs around with.
      
      
2. Stage of Bargaining and Attempts at Control
   1. Appeals to logic.
   2. Imposition of curfews and restrictions.
   3. Adolescent forbidden to associate with peers considered “bad influences.”
   4. Bargains, (i.e. “It’s all right to drink, but don’t use drugs.” “An occasional beer at home is alright, but stay away from hard liquor.” “If you must drink, don’t drive or get in a car with someone else who has been drinking.”)
   5. May seek “geographic cures” – i.e. transfer to new schools, private or parochial, or to alternative program in an attempt to remove the adolescent from what is considered an unhealthy environment or peer group.
      
      
3. Stage of Anger
   1. Increasing tension and unhappiness at home.
   2. Family distrustful and resentful.
   3. Anger and frustration that the chemically dependent adolescent cannot be controlled.
   4. Alcohol/drugs now the central focus of the family’s attention.
   5. Progressive reconstructuring of roles in the family.
   6. Other children exhibit emotional problems.
   7. Marital stress, lack of communication and “blaming.”
      
      
4. Stage of Depression
   1. Feelings of guilt, self pity, and despair as a parent; “What did we de wrong or fail to do?”
   2. May construct rigid pattern to escape family conflicts.
   3. Passive withdrawal and isolation of parents.
   4. Fears about the future.
   5. Possible stress related illness in other family members; i.e. headaches, insomnia,
      gastro-intestinal complaints, etc.
      
      
5. Crisis and Confrontation

Although concern remains, the family is unable to tolerate the status-quo. Relationships are severed and the adolescent is forced out of the home. Or, the family seeks informed counseling and guidance; crisis is used in a constructive fashion to force the adolescent into assessment, intervention, and/or definitive treatment.

 

Self-Assessment
Questions The User Should Ask Themselves
 

• Do you sometimes "turn off" to people who give talks on alcohol and drugs?
• Have you ever gotten into trouble at school because of alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever gotten into trouble with the police because of alcohol or drugs?
• Do you prefer to be around friends who drink or use drugs?
• Have you ever been busted for possession of an illegal drug?
• Do you drink or use drugs in an effort to feel more relaxed around people?
• Do you use alcohol or drugs to relax when you feel tense or nervous?
• Do you use alcohol or drugs to help forget your worries?
• When you drink, do you usually end up drinking more than your friends?
• Do you sometimes get drunk or stoned when you didn't really intend to?
• Do you sometimes try to cut down on your drinking or use of drugs?
• Does it ever bother you if someone says you drink too much or have a problem with drugs?
• Do you ever drink or get high alone?
• Have you ever borrowed money or done without other things in order to buy alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever skipped meals while drinking?
• Do you sometimes gulp down a drink rather than drink it slowly?
• Has drinking or using drugs ever made you more sensitive?
• Have you ever had a drink, joint, or pill in the morning?
• Have you ever stayed high for more than one day?
• Do you ever worry about your use of alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever gotten into an argument or fight when drinking or using drugs?
• Have you ever lost or alomost lost a friend because of alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever lost or almost lost a job because of alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever missed school because of drinking or drugs?
• Have you ever cut class to have a drink or get high?
• Have you ever stayed away from school because of a severe hangover?
• Have you ever been in an accident while drinking or using drugs?
• Has your use of alcohol or drugs affected your reputation?
• Have you ever felt guilty or "bummed out" after drinking or using drugs?
• Have you every been in trouble outside of your home because of drinking or drugs?
• Have you ever been hospitalized because of alcohol or drugs?
• Have you ever had times you cannot remember while high?
• Have you ever truned to an inferior environment since using alcohol or drugs?
• Have your grades suffered since using alcohol or drugs?
• Has drinking or drugs made you more irritable?
• Have you ever stolen drugs to buy alcohol or drugs?
• Has your circle of friends changed since using alcohol or drugs?
• Are you sometimes overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness or despair?
• Have you ever promised yourself that you would cut down on the use of alcohol or drugs and failed to keep that promise?

If you have answered “YES” to any three of these questions, there is a definite warning that alcohol or other drugs may be creating problems in your life. If you answered “YES” to four of these questions, there is a strong probability that alcohol and/or drugs are definitely causing problems in your life. Remember, chemical dependency is a progressive disease;
it gets worse!!!!!!

THE TIME TO ASK FOR HELP IS NOW. THE LIFE YOU SAVE MAY BE YOUR OWN.